Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Final Count - Angels 7, Babies 6

Hundreds of vials of blood taken, 2 complete fertility workups, Chromosomal Testing, 25 cumulative cycles of Clomid at increasing doses, 2 HSGs, 3 d&c's, 2 ectopic pgs (one in a fallopian tube with intrauterine sacs as well, one completely outside the uterus), several cycles of Follistim (that I learned how to inject myself) at increasing doses, who knows how many scans and follicles produced, seven failed pregnancies for various reasons - including one multiples pg after hyperstimulation of ovaries. One complete placenta previa that abrupted resulting in delivery at 33 weeks, another low lying placenta that resolved, preterm labor, preterm delivery, NICU, SCU, PICU, complete bedrest in hospital and at home, partial bedrest, modified activity, bladder trauma (one where it actually tore) requiring a catheter for several days each time and 6 csections. One post surgical infection, one postpartum hemorrhage and the discovery that after being opened and closed so many times, my stretch marks no longer line up above and below my csection scar(s). All that, only at the supposed decline of my "fertile" years, to become the unlikely recipient of not one, but two surprise babies. No fertility drugs, no charting, no monitoring, no miscarriage, no drama, nothing. Gee - they told me I didn't ovulate and told me I was not so fertile and becoming less so with each birthday. Surprise! Guess it just took a dozen years of pummeling them in some bizarre science experiment gone horribly wrong for the old reproductive parts to finally figure out what they were supposed to be doing and do it on their own.

I am fully confident I could start my own IV. It wouldn't be too hard - all I would really need to do is choose a scar as a target. I even told an anesthesiologist this when he was trying to cram a blunt straw into one of the veins in my hand for my second d&c. He looked at me like he thought I was just being funny. No really, I think I could do a much better job than you are doing right now. Five incredibly painful and annoying attempts at starting an iv later I was rapidly succumbing to the short term memory loss that is Versed.

For the longest time I use to crave normal - I wanted to be normal so desperately. To just decide one day with my spouse that we wanted to have a baby, do what you usually do to have a baby and there you go - 9 months = baby. Finally, I decided that this was what was normal for me - it just made things easier to live with.


Anonymous said...

As weird as it may sound, this post almost made me cry... Not because I fear these things, but because of what a testament it is to your love for your children. Rock on, sister.

Laura said...


I went here to find out your history and the last line hit me:

I decided that this was what was normal for me - it just made things easier to live with.

My story is different, my conceptions are all through ICSI, my miscarriages both at the same point but missed until later. It took a long time to accept that this is just my normal.

The Rebound Girl said...

Gives me hope and stamina. My 3 IUIs sound like nothing compared to this. Thank you.