Maybe My MP3 Playlist isn't so Bad After All

I kept my MP3 player plugged in and continued playing random songs as I made dinner tonight.

This song came up - I'd almost forgotten it was on there. The link will take you to the You Tube video. Lyrics below.

Calling All Angels
(Jane Siberry with KD Lang)

Santa Maria, Santa Teresa, Santa Anna, Santa Susannah
Santa Cecilia, Santa Copelia, Santa Domenica, Mary Angelica
Frater Achad, Frater Pietro, Julianus, Petronilla
Santa, Santos, Miroslaw, Vladimir
and all the rest

a man is placed upon the steps, a baby cries
and high above the church bells start to ring
and as the heaviness the body oh the heaviness settles in
somewhere you can hear a mother sing

then it's one foot then the other as you step out onto the road
how much weight? how much weight?
then it's how long? and how far?
and how many times before it's too late?

calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
calling all angels
calling all angels
we're cryin' and we're hurtin'
and we're not sure why...

and every day you gaze upon the sunset
with such love and intensity
it's almost...it's almost as if
if you could only crack the code
then you'd finally understand what this all means

but if you could...do you think you would
trade in all the pain and suffering?
ah, but then you'd miss
the beauty of the light upon this earth
and the sweetness of the leaving

calling all angels
calling all angels
walk me through this one
don't leave me alone
callin' all angels
callin' all angels
we're tryin'
we're hopin'
we're hurtin'
we're lovin'
we're cryin'
we're callin'
'cause we're not sure how this goes

I think I Need to Reconsider my MP3 Playlist

I've been reading various blogs on the latest book tour (Embryo Culture) and came across this meme on Sell Crazy Someplace Else that I just had to try. I love SCSE's song for question #8 - I laughed and laughed and peed my pants.

I needed a bit of a lift today given the uterus or not drama going on in my life lately. I originally started using my mp3 player for bedtime - filling it with lots of Enya and other soothing tunes to help me fall asleep (and drown out the snoring). Over time more of my typical fare starting making it's way onto the player. Placed on shuffle for this particular exercise produced some interesting results to say the very least. Follows is my rather eclectic list:

1. The song for you that existed before you ever thought about your fertility:

"Suo Gan" Mormon Tabernacle Choir - Okay yes, initially I thought an odd song to pop up, given it isn't even in English, but when I found the translated lyrics, I cried, and cried and cried.

To my lullaby surrender
Warm and tender is my breast
Mother's arms with love caressing
Lay their blessing on your rest
Nothing shall tonight alarm you
None shall harm you, have no fear
Lie contented, calmly slumber
On your mother's breast, my dear

Here tonight I tightly hold you
And enfold you while you sleep
Why, I wonder, are you smiling
Smiling in your slumber deep?
Are the angels on you smiling
And beguiling you with charm
While you also smile, my blossom
In my bosom soft and warm?
Have no fear now, leaves are knocking
Gently knocking at our door
Have no fear now, waves are beating
Gently beating on the shore
Sleep, my darling, none shall harm you
Nor alarm you, never cry
In my bosom sweetly smiling
And beguiling those on high


2. Would you really want to go back and be that person again?

"Castle on a Cloud" Les Miserables Soundtrack - I use to sing this to my daughter when she was in the NICU.

There is a place where no one's lost,
There a place where no one cries,
Crying, at all, is not allowed,
Not in my castle on a cloud.


3. The song for when you first started fertility treatments:

"Morning Has Broken" Cat Stevens

Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God's recreation of the new day


4. What did infertility do to your sex life?

"Wild Child" Enya (I know - are you kidding me??!!)

Ever close your eyes
Ever stop and listen
Ever feel alive
And you've nothing missing
You don't need a reason
Let the day go on and on



5. What about superstitions and fertility rituals?

"Harry's Game" Clannad

English Translation)
I will go east and go west
[To the places] from whence came
The moon and the sun

The moon and the sun will go
And the young man
With his reputation behind him

I will go wherever he came from -
The young man with his reputation behind him

6. How about "alternative" treatments (i.e., acupuncture, yoga, etc.)? This is where things started to get a little weird - yes, I do love my metal now and then . . .

"Master of Puppets" Metallica

End of passion play, crumbling away
I'm your source of self-destruction
Veins that pump with fear, sudden dark is clear
Leading on your deaths construction
Taste me you will see
more is all you need
you're dedicated to
how I'm killing you

Come crawling faster
obey your Master
your life burns faster
obey your Master
Master
Master of Puppets I'm pulling your strings
twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
Blinded by me, you can't see a thing
Just call my name, `cause I'll hear you scream


7. How do you feel about coming out of the IF closet?

"Where Ever I may Roam" Metallica again.

call me what you will
but I'll take my time anywhere
free to speak my mind anywhere
and I'll redefine anywhere
anywhere I may roam

8. Your song for other people's baby showers?

"Oh Very Young" Cat Stevens

And though your dreams may toss and turn you now
They will vanish away like your daddys best jeans
Denim blue fading up to the sky
And though you want them to last forever
You know they never will

9. What about our scary friend, hope?

"Gloomy Sunday" Sarah Brightman (this song is like scary morbid suicidal)

Dreaming
I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you asleep
In the deep of my heart dear
Darling I hope
That my dream never haunted you
My heart is telling you
How much I wanted you
Gloomy Sunday
Gloomy Sunday

10. And lastly, the theme song of your fertility journey:

"I'll Fly Away" Alison Kraus "O Brother Where Art Thou" Soundtrack

Just a few more weary days and then
I'll fly away
To a land where joys will never end
I'll fly away