Monday, July 14, 2008

You're Gonna Stick that Camera Where??!!

Today I sat in a room filled with men - the one woman among them. A room full of men sitting in the Urologist's waiting room. Men who all had about 20-30 years on me - some deaf, some crippled. The faint scent of ammonia hung in the air - seriously. This was new territory for me. Dh has seen a urologist a time or two - but not me. I have to say - I was rather disappointed in the waiting room literature. My bad - forgot my book. A couple men wrestled over the lone issue of Time. The issue that had Mother Theresa's image on the front (Yes, the same Mother Theresa who hasn't graced the cover of Time for a few years now). My choices were an Entertainment Weekly announcing the new fall line-up for 2007 (little did we know about the writer's strike looming on the horizon) and Prostrate Health Monthly. Hmmmm . . .

The nurses were all barely old enough to drive. They often had to repeat the patients' names as they called them in turn, getting progressively louder each time. After the fourth or fifth call, an elderly gentleman would get to his feet and shuffle slowly to the door. I so do not belong here!

Finally it was my turn. Eager to get out of the waiting room and hoping the exam rooms might have the better reading material, I quickly jumped to my feet.

The exam room proffered less literary satisfaction. There was an outdated Good Housekeeping (who vacuums in a dress and pearls anymore?) and the issue of People that, I kid you not, the newest piece of magazine tripe in the whole office and it is the issue with JLo and her twins on the cover. OY!

Fortunately, I was spared any long waits with the "opulent nursery a deux".

Now, I've had an ultrasound or two - abdominally and the other way. I've also had a catheter on more than a few occasions. Never have I had a catheter that was also a camera (nor had this particular part of my anatomy assaulted in such a manner sans epidural). Yes, it is as unpleasant and uncomfortable as it sounds . . . particularly when this heretofore perfect stranger not only shoves a catheter cam up your pee pee, but also fills your bladder with fluid - COLD fluid no less and then in all seriousness asks you to cough.

He didn't even buy me dinner first.

9 comments:

Mrs. Spit said...

Oh. my.

I'm sorry. somethings shouldn't be allowed without a margarita in your hands!

loribeth said...

Oh Julia, (((hugs))). Would you believe (in keeping with our continuing "separated at birth" theme) I had that very same test done several times when I was a kid, with very little explanation. (You would think the technology would have evolved over the last 40 years??) It was a hugely traumatic experience (the second time, I knew what was coming, & they had to give me a sedative AND it took three nurses to hold me down) & I had nightmares about hospitals for years & years afterwards. I'm hoping the effects are not quite so longlasting for you!

JuliaS said...

Lori - what a horrible thing to do to a child! I've had more than a few medical forays(assaults) into my bits and pieces in the past - but this really took the cake. There is no way I would've sat still for that as a kid! You poor traumatized soul. I am not surprised you have nightmares. I was up hours before normal with serious anxiety - I am certain provoked by this experience. Makes me want to cancel my appt with the dentist this afternoon to spare myself even discomfort on a smaller scale.

CLC said...

Poor you! My legs were crossed and closed tightly while reading this!

Meg said...

Oh, you poor thing! How awful you had to have that done. You deserve to treat yourself with something fun and yummy after that.

The Rebound Girl said...

He could have atleast offered dinner after. My word, that sounds rather traumatic. Sorry you had to suffer through it, but its all worth it to stay healthy.

(((((HUGS)))))

Searching said...

That test sounds horrible! They should have given you a valium or two at the very least!! Glad you survived and managed not to sock the person doing the test. Did the results come out okay?

Matthew M. F. Miller said...

I always think urology offices smell like old spice and diapers. What a crappy experience.

And I wonder what would happen if everybody in the world took action against doctors and their outdated periodicals? Seriously, a nearly 2-year-old EW is not sufficient material.

Portraits In Sepia said...

Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!