"Honor and shame from no condition rise; Act well your part, there all the honor lies."
~Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man~
Trying to find my way back - to me. Too long I've been asleep. Too long I've forgotten who I am, my part, my ultimate role - that of myself. I want to be me again - the me I use to be, the me I like - not the me subjugated by loss and life, the me I always was and still am anyway. She's there, I know it - I can feel her - and I am going to find her again.
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An Awareness Consortium of Compassionate Bloggers
Zach, Hannah, Aiden, Caelan, Carena, Matthew Thomas & Lilith "Lily"
Remembrance Day October 15th
A work in Progress
2009 Creme de la Creme
2008 Creme de la Creme
Bridges
An Awareness Consortium of Compassionate Bloggers
The Breakdown:
Pg #1 - 18 cycles, 6 on Clomid, 2 semenalysis - varicocele, 1 bouncing baby boy (csection) bladder trauma, post-op infection, 9 day hospital stay with catheter
Pg#2 - 1 cycle Clomid, mc 6.5 weeks
Pg#3- 2 cycles Clomid, mc 12 weeks, intrauterine demise @ 10 weeks, d&c
Pg #4 - 1 cycle, pg lasted 7.5 weeks - by this time in a tailspin of postpartum depression (PPD) and personal loathing. Started counseling, got rid of old doc and got a new one - added progesterone supplementation, Infertility workup
Pg #5 - 3 cycles Clomid, 1 lovely baby girl born @33 weeks due to abrupting complete placenta previa after 2.5 week hospital stay on total bedrest, postpartum hemorrhage (csection) NICU baby 3 weeks, PICU 6 days a few months later for RSV
Pg #6 - 1 cycle Clomid, ectopic pg ended at 8 weeks
Pg #7- 1 cycle Clomid, loss of hb at 10 weeks, d&c, pathology showed genetically normal female but placental blood clot which could have led to demise; total infertility workup, chromosomal analysis, semenalysis, HSG and Saline Contrast U/S, referral to specialist - final dx: Hormonal Imbalance leading to Luteal Phase Defect, low progesterone and endometriosis
Pg #8- 11 cycles Clomid at increasing doses to triple dose with
HCG trigger shot and finally Follistim, 1 cycle, course of antibiotics, progesterone supplementation and aspirin therapy - 1 screaming, peeing baby boy born @36 weeks after major gall bladder attack set off labor and water broke, SCU 1 week
PPD (Celexa)
Pg#9 - 1 cycle Follistim, overstimmed, multiple ovarian cysts
that started rupturing, 2 intrauterine sacs and one in right fallopian tube (heterotopic pg), threatened rupture/rupture at 6.5 weeks, laparoscopy for tubal- d&c for non-developing uterine pgs
Pg#10 - 1 cycle Follistim following clear HSG, chemical pg ended 5.5 weeks
Pg#11- 3 cycles Follistim, scheduled and scrapped AI due to poor ovarian response 3rd cycle which was also going to be absolute last, got pg anyway, progesterone/aspirin - 1 sweet baby girl @ 38 weeks (csection)
Cholescystectomy 1 yr later to remove nasty gallbladder
Pg #12 - Blow me down, I ovulated on my own! Confirmed pg at 8 weeks. Started progesterone and aspirin too late to really make a difference, but did it anyway - just in case. BIG baby boy at 38.5 weeks (csection)
PPD (Effexor, Lexapro, Wellbutrin)
PG #13 - Surprise again - guess last one wasn't a fluke after all, confirmed at almost 11 weeks after a lot of denial, no progesterone, stuck with aspirin, bad asthma - totally amped on Albuterol most of pg, 1 stunningly beautiful boy on Valentine's Day @ 39.5 weeks (csection) bladder tore during delivery, catheter 9 days
PPD (Zoloft)
Current: Recently dx-ed with Adenomyosis (endometrial
tissue grown into uterine muscle wall) 6 month course Lupron, Total Abdominal Hysterectomy September 17th, 2008
What I did for love . . .
and The Beginning . . .
Pg#2 - 1 cycle Clomid, mc 6.5 weeks
Pg#3- 2 cycles Clomid, mc 12 weeks, intrauterine demise @ 10 weeks, d&c
Pg #4 - 1 cycle, pg lasted 7.5 weeks - by this time in a tailspin of postpartum depression (PPD) and personal loathing. Started counseling, got rid of old doc and got a new one - added progesterone supplementation, Infertility workup
Pg #5 - 3 cycles Clomid, 1 lovely baby girl born @33 weeks due to abrupting complete placenta previa after 2.5 week hospital stay on total bedrest, postpartum hemorrhage (csection) NICU baby 3 weeks, PICU 6 days a few months later for RSV
Pg #6 - 1 cycle Clomid, ectopic pg ended at 8 weeks
Pg #7- 1 cycle Clomid, loss of hb at 10 weeks, d&c, pathology showed genetically normal female but placental blood clot which could have led to demise; total infertility workup, chromosomal analysis, semenalysis, HSG and Saline Contrast U/S, referral to specialist - final dx: Hormonal Imbalance leading to Luteal Phase Defect, low progesterone and endometriosis
Pg #8- 11 cycles Clomid at increasing doses to triple dose with
HCG trigger shot and finally Follistim, 1 cycle, course of antibiotics, progesterone supplementation and aspirin therapy - 1 screaming, peeing baby boy born @36 weeks after major gall bladder attack set off labor and water broke, SCU 1 week
PPD (Celexa)
Pg#9 - 1 cycle Follistim, overstimmed, multiple ovarian cysts
that started rupturing, 2 intrauterine sacs and one in right fallopian tube (heterotopic pg), threatened rupture/rupture at 6.5 weeks, laparoscopy for tubal- d&c for non-developing uterine pgs
Pg#10 - 1 cycle Follistim following clear HSG, chemical pg ended 5.5 weeks
Pg#11- 3 cycles Follistim, scheduled and scrapped AI due to poor ovarian response 3rd cycle which was also going to be absolute last, got pg anyway, progesterone/aspirin - 1 sweet baby girl @ 38 weeks (csection)
Cholescystectomy 1 yr later to remove nasty gallbladder
Pg #12 - Blow me down, I ovulated on my own! Confirmed pg at 8 weeks. Started progesterone and aspirin too late to really make a difference, but did it anyway - just in case. BIG baby boy at 38.5 weeks (csection)
PPD (Effexor, Lexapro, Wellbutrin)
PG #13 - Surprise again - guess last one wasn't a fluke after all, confirmed at almost 11 weeks after a lot of denial, no progesterone, stuck with aspirin, bad asthma - totally amped on Albuterol most of pg, 1 stunningly beautiful boy on Valentine's Day @ 39.5 weeks (csection) bladder tore during delivery, catheter 9 days
PPD (Zoloft)
Current: Recently dx-ed with Adenomyosis (endometrial
tissue grown into uterine muscle wall) 6 month course Lupron, Total Abdominal Hysterectomy September 17th, 2008
What I did for love . . .
and The Beginning . . .
Aberrant among even those who would be peers - I have been infertile and yet fertile; a mom and yet not a mom. I have children who fill my heart and home and angels who fill my dreams and fuel the misty eyed wonderings of what might have been.
My Angel Choir
Zach, Hannah, Aiden, Caelan, Carena, Matthew Thomas & Lilith "Lily"
About Me
- JuliaS
- "Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories." Lord Rochester
Desperate Mothering Blog
Company for The Journey
- Glow in the Woods
- http://artofbeinginfertile.blogspot.com/
- http://lostandfoundandconnectionsabound.blogspot.com/
- http://mydeargherkin.blogspot.com/
- http://pleasegivemebackmyheart.blogspot.com/
- http://searching4hope.blogspot.com
- http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/
- http://takingthestatisticalbullet.blogspot.com/
- http://theroadlesstravelledlb.blogspot.com/
- The Stirrup Queen's Completely Anal List of Blogs That Proves That She Really Missed Her Calling as a Personal Organizer
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness
Remembrance Day October 15th
Resources, Help and Information
Infertility"s Common Thread
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3 comments:
hurrah!
Keep looking, she's just around the corner! ; ) (((hugs)))
Cheering you on as you move back to that woman.
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