I apologize in advance for this post. Whatever literary brilliance I may have been possessed of prior seems to have deserted me these last few weeks. You cannot force profundity - believe me, I've tried desperately the last couple days! I simply could not let this weekend pass without having said something however.
I dislike Mother's Day. I cannot say I completely hate it because I was fortunately blessed with a fine mother and an equally lovely mother in law, and for this at least, the day holds true. Yes, I am one of the lucky ones - not only do I have one, but TWO amazing and wonderful maternal influences in my life. From reading around the net and comparing with friends, I see that others are not so fortunate. Because of these two women, and their mothers and mother's mothers - those whom I was blessed to know and those whom I only heard stories of, I cannot completely write the day off. In theory, I cannot fault it either. Practical application however, is what leaves me to shudder when viewing the calendar's turn to May. I have spent too many of these particular Sundays bleeding literally or figuratively with the loss of my babies and more than a few feeling the frustration of yet another failed attempt from a procreative standpoint. In this regard, the day brings the antithesis of what the greeting card juggernauts would have you believe it to entail. My mother in law lost her firstborn at birth on March 24, 1967. What was to be her very first Mother's Day with a child of her own rolled around just weeks later. She has mentioned that day - being at church and hearing them ask the mothers to stand and be recognized, and wondering if she should stand or not. I think of her. I think of my friends and family who have lost babies - my sister whose only son, my nephew, died of SIDS when he was 2 months old, my sisters in law who have also dealt with recurrent pregnancy loss; my good friend Loribeth who has had to learn to live with a double loss - not only the loss of her sweet Katie, but also the loss of the parenthood she wanted. Other women I have encountered in the IF blogosphere who have not only endured the unfairness of infertility, but had the bitter injustice of pregnancy loss and stillbirth heaped upon them as well. Because I have been in similar moments - I know that we do not need yet one more day that serves up more reminders of things gone horribly wrong - to point out our failings. We have plenty days enough that aren't nationally recognized and billboarded to death that do that for us already.
The other issue I have with this day is also this - rankling at the gross commercialization aside; those we appreciate, those we love, those we admire, those important to us - should we not be telling them this already?
As a postscript - I will note that the last two years I have noticed that no longer does the church we attend ask only mother's to stand - but any woman age 18 and older. What do you think? Women's Day.