Thus Ends My Brilliant Career in Internet Research . . .

"You can prevent the condition through a healthy lifestyle, a balanced diet, decreasing the stress levels and adequate rest."

Thank you Women's Health Zone for that little gem.

That is like telling me to relax and I will get pregnant. I was relaxed when I started trying to get pregnant oh so many years ago. I didn't start feeling stressed about it until I found I needed to start taking fertility drugs a year later. I even went on vacations. When I finally did get pregnant each time - I wasn't exactly calm and care-free and certainly not adequately rested. Though - my diet had/has been pretty good. I like a good healthy variety and while not opposed to a few french fries now and then - don't make a habit of them or anything.

I didn't even KNOW Adenomyosis existed until last month and now it's "my own fault".

Knowledge may be power - however, I am finding it also has the potential of making you feel like a bigger failure than you did before. Stupid itchy Google trigger finger . . .

I can't give you stress free - and until I am dead, probably not well rested either. I never drank, I never smoked. However - I feel like starting both right now out of frustration and what have I got to lose at this point since I already buggered my uterine health anyway despite eating salad and veggies like a rabbit all these years. I even like my veggies better RAW! How is that for whole food?

And yes, still waiting on the awful monthly visitor. I called my doctor's office to tell them I was running out of the inactive bcps - I only have 3 left in the pack and about 4 days late. The nurse didn't know what to tell me - no Lupron until I start, so now I am waiting to hear back from Dr. M to see if we are going to try and jumpstart things with Provera. I'm not inclined to wait it out much longer - my back was hurting so bad last night that I could only curl up on the bed and cry. The nurse did ask - ever so delicately, I might add - if I might be late possibly because . . . .? Fortunately I was in a fairly good mood thanks to some ibuprofen (okay, a lot of ibuprofen - my liver is so going to end up hating me) knocking the edge off the raging pms pain I've been having and just merely laughed, even though I really didn't find it all that amusing. Though - timing is everything and she was fortunate I was having a rare good moment. There is no way - no freaking way. Between the bcps and additional back up - I would actually have to have overcome the intense pms-induced dislike for all things male at the moment and of course, the pain issue. Also, the hubby out of town a fair amount is a bit of a hindrance there as well.

So anywho - here we sit - waiting. I have spent way too much time in my life feeling guilty and waiting.